There is one thing we can all count on in life, the reality that we will all, at one time or another, be faced with the dagger of rejection. It seems to start so early in life and yet is something most adults still have a hard time coping with. Regardless of how much “practice” we get, learning to move on and persevere with our tails between our legs can seem daunting and nearly impossible to do at times. Though the rejection we face as adults is quite different from the rejection we experience as children, the emotion behind it still seems all too familiar. In fact sometimes rejection as an adult can trigger past feelings and situations of rejection as children resulting in a double dose of perceived defeat. Often times those feelings can leave us in state of paralysis where we fear taking risks and just living in general to avoid even the mere thought of disappointment and yet another let down. It can be absolutely discouraging to some individuals to consistently experience the ebb and flow of excitement followed by a swift blow to the ego. That being said, we cannot let this fear control us and our ability to function in our daily lives. We can learn to defeat that which attempts to defeat us and here’s how!
Using Rejection for Redirection - You know that Cliché catch phrase “everything happens for a reason”? Well there is some truth to that regardless if you believe it’s fate, faith, destiny or you, yourself, driving that reality. Even the most trying situations in our lives can help navigate us to new and exciting destinations. So you didn’t get that job or you were stood up again by the man/woman of your dreams but a month later the perfect business opportunity presents itself to you and you find out your dreamboat of a future spouse isn’t so dreamy after all, these are examples of how our perceived rejection can bring us closer to what it is we really need and want. Sometimes things don’t work out for good reason and it’s up to us to discover that reason. At times you may have to look very hard to find it but in time you will see the blessing in disguise. Even just allowing the thought of using rejection to redirect us to something better can help speed up the process of moving forward. And sometimes, at the very least, that experience of rejection can hold within it a valuable lesson that we are now stronger and wiser from learning. What lessons can you find in situations where you felt defeated? What have you learned from those experiences? These are questions you can ask yourself when you feel things did not turn out the way you had hoped or planned they would. Let this enlightenment carry you to your next adventure instead of postponing that journey based on your fears.
Set Realistic Goals - Having short term and long term goals can be the framework for creating the life you desire and can guide us to what it is we wish to accomplish. Most very successful and fulfilled individuals will tell you that at one point or another they set goals for themselves, wrote them down and essentially designed their own reality. While this is a very helpful and indispensable tool to manifesting our future, we have to be mindful about the kinds of goals we are creating. Are you a computer wizard that wants to be a hairdresser by next week with no previous experience? Or did you just get out of having hip surgery and decide you’re running a marathon next month? Though there are no limitations on our dreams we do have to be aware of how we are planning on achieving them. Some of our short term goals may need to be adjusted and transformed into longer term goals in order to leave room for the baby steps in between. Otherwise we may unintentionally be setting ourselves up for failure.
Using Self Efficacy to Lift Your Spirits - Self Efficacy, According to Cognitive Behavioral Psychologist Albert Bandura is "the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations." Though it sounds a lot like Self-Confidence or Self-Esteem, Self-Efficacy is a little different. Going into a situation with Self-Efficacy allows you to examine situations in life your life where you have previously been successful. It gives you the knowledge and determination to know exactly what it is you CAN do. For example, let’s say you are preparing for a presentation that will determine a job promotion and your anxiety and self-doubt has gotten the best you. Just as rejection in our past can trigger the anxiety and fear that prevents us from bringing our authentic self to the table, Self-Efficacy can counteract that self-defeating behavior by allowing us to find confidence and strength in embracing our past successes. By examining our previous accomplishments, writing them down and affirming them to ourselves we are practicing Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy tells us we CAN do it because we HAVE done it before. We are capable and powerful beyond measure if only we believe it to be so. Using this skill prior to or following a situation in which you may be or may have been rejected can prevent you from falling into an abyss of negative emotion and mental anguish.
Let our Expert Counselors at Elttila (www.elttila.com) help you explore your positive attributes and assist you in discovering the Self-Efficacy that lies within. We are here 24/7 to help you develop your goals, conquer self-doubt and learn to find hope again with our unique, educational approach to personal wellness and empowerment.
Written by Michelle Meyers, MS, NCC.